Stern of the Crew

Howard Tunes Out, Takes Off

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY of the rest of Howard Stern's life. Howard, as you may have heard, broadcast his final show on so-called terrestrial radio Friday; in January he'll begin a five-year, half-billion-dollar contract with the satellite radio service Sirius. Because this was such a watershed cultural moment, he spent the last couple of weeks running off at the mouth to anyone holding a microphone or tape recorder; I especially enjoyed the insightful interview with Knitting World. Regardless, Stern has rather enjoyed spending the last couple of decades as a martyr, I suspect, and he's often been his own worst enemy, baiting the cultural conservatives and the FCC and then objecting incredulously when the bait was taken.

For one period in my life, a year and a half during which I drove an hour a morning to a job I loathed, Stern was a lifesaver, but since then I've rarely listened. I got tired of him pretty quickly, and discovered another morning show that I found to be sharper and more in tune with my sensibilities. Yet for all of the tiresome lesbian stripper bits and junior high discussions of breasts, farts, and bowel movements, Stern has earned his place as a cultural icon for the simple reason that he reinforced the absolutely vital necessity of this plain, brilliant statement:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

That, of course, is the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America. It is the law of the land. And yet because he trades in toilet humor and gutter language, Stern has been seemingly stripped of his right to speak like a juvenile dufus. He and his previous employers were foolishly targeted (and fined) again and again by the federal government, just because of what he has said. How is this not an unlawful abridging of Stern's freedom of speech? Yes, I know that even free speech has its limits -- no yelling "Fire!" in a crowded theater and all that -- but in this case, he's tiptoeing along the blurry, subjective line of decency, and one person's objectionable obscenity is another's transcendent humor. My daughter has grown up with a mother who listens to Stern every single weekday, but she's never repeated a word -- not one -- overheard from his show. And do you know why? It's because her parents don't have WYSP on when she's in the room or in the car. If you don't want your kid to hear him, use the little tuning dial that comes standard with every radio sold in this country. The government should leave parenting to the parents.

The worst part of Stern's defection to satellite radio is that we're going to be stuck with David Lee Roth attempting to fill his shoes. How long before Sammy Hagar starts crank-calling? The FCC could find worse reasons to fine someone. Thank God for that tuner ...

Comments

[Mrs. SC]

For the record, it was every other day. :)

[Bill]

I unabashedly listen to Howard Stern every day and am actually hoping for someone to buy me a Sirius satellite so I can continue to listen.

While I know that his brank of talk is not for everyone (in fact, there are moments when I also turn him off), nobody does it better or tries harder for his audience. Imitators like Kid Chris, etc., don't do it for me. Listening to people like him make me miss Stern all the more.

I also do not listen to Stern in the car with my kids. Actually, there is not much you can listen to (no Preston and Steve, no DeBella) with kids in the car in the morning.

[Kristin]

Wow, I have a whole new respect for Mrs. SC. I never knew!!!!

[rocko]

what is going on with jim rome and satellite radio?