Just a Salad ... Just a Salad ... Just a Salad ...
Acme Backhands a Noble Lunchtime Effort
SO, YES, LIKE everyone else, I am hoping to incorporate more healthy behaviors in the new year, Karen Heller and her obsession with cheese notwithstanding. To that end, yesterday, when the rest of the Western world was enjoying a day off and I was back at the office, I dutifully schlepped to the Acme down the street at lunchtime in search of a salad. And once again I was left wondering why on earth this beloved Philadelphia institution, like so many other beloved Philadelphia institutions (the Mummers, Action News, etc.), was ever considered beloved.
The huge salad bar in the center of the produce section contained nothing but empty bins. There was nary a stray strip of bell pepper, not a single leaf of baby spinach, to be had. Now, I know that just about everybody had the day off, but come on, some of us were working, and we needed our veggies, dammit! There are people who live in the surrounding neighborhoods, and they needed their veggies, dammit! The temptation to chuck it all and plunk down a fin for a dazzlingly greasy and completely delicious local sandwich was enormous, but I fought it off. Instead I grabbed an apple and forced myself to the freezer cases to snag a Smart Ones entrée -- some kind of southwestern chicken thing. Foolishly congratulating myself for persevering, I then stood stock still for five minutes -- in the 15-items-or-less lane! -- before deciding to risk the self-check-out lane. For five minutes I waved my lunch in front of the scanner, getting progressively more frustrated as the telltale beep failed to sound. I finally got some help, but in the end I was reminded, again, of why I hate to set foot in an Acme. And I realized why the Coyote is always getting his ass kicked by the Roadrunner.
Well Tom welcome back to the fattest city in America...perhaps there really is some vast Delaware Valley conspiracy to keep cheese steaks the primary food group of Philadelphia. That's why I moved to Arizona. A bit drastic I know, but my heart thanks me every day.
toombstone
Posted by: Brian Toombs | Tuesday, January 03, 2006 at 06:04 PM
TD: You know you really wanted a Schmitter. Happy new year to you and your family.
Posted by: Tom Goodman | Wednesday, January 04, 2006 at 12:24 PM
The letters s,c,h,m,i,t,t,e, and r strung together affect me the way a bell affects Pavlov's dog.
Posted by: Tom G | Wednesday, January 04, 2006 at 12:40 PM
Mmmm ... Schmitter ...
Do they have those in Arizona, Brian?
Posted by: Tom Durso | Wednesday, January 04, 2006 at 01:54 PM
This is sounding sooooo familiar....LOL!
Posted by: circe | Wednesday, January 04, 2006 at 03:45 PM
No just B U R R I T O S...
Posted by: Brian Toombs | Wednesday, January 04, 2006 at 04:20 PM
TD, you need decaf.
Posted by: Bill | Thursday, January 05, 2006 at 10:21 AM
I like burritos, too, Brian!
Circe, are you a Philly expat?
Bill, I don't need decaf -- just a damn salad! Is that too much to ask?!
Posted by: Tom Durso | Thursday, January 05, 2006 at 01:03 PM
No Tom, a Cleveland expat.
:)
Posted by: circe | Thursday, January 05, 2006 at 02:29 PM
Another fine northern city awash in questionable meats with no health benefits! Living in Arizona now, like Brian?
Posted by: Tom Durso | Thursday, January 05, 2006 at 02:40 PM