A Bone to Pick

LET ME preface this by saying: I'm not anti-Buffalo wing. I'm not anti-beer. I'm not anti-scantily clad women engaging in nontraditional activities with one another. As a matter of fact, I'm pro-all of those. Very pro.

But, sweet fancy Moses, do I hate Wing Bowl.

There is nothing -- absolutely nothing -- redeeming about it. Today is truly a dreadful day to be a Philadelphian, for all that is shameful about our great region is about to be paraded in front of the world. Mindless overconsumption? Check. Public vomiting? Check. Rampant classlessness? Check. Twenty thousand drunkards cheering it all on? Check (times 20,000). A parochial self-satisfaction that confirms every New Yorker's, Bostonian's, Chicagoan's, Washingtonian's, and Los Angeleno's sordid perception of Joe Philly? Check.

Wing Bowl gets covered by the papers and TV as if it's some sort of cultural touchstone for the region, some unique glimpse into what makes Philadelphia tick, but it's none of that. It's just ... awful. Not fun. Crude and crass and stomach-churning. A public act of gastric masturbation. It's Mardi Gras without the charm and the tradition, New Year's Eve without the necessary cleansing brought by January 1. It makes the Mummers Parade look sophisticated and cosmopolitan, which is no mean feat.

And not to get all Catholic school nun on their ass, but isn't competitive eating a morally bankrupt activity so long as there are people in the world who suffer from malnutrition?

So way to go, Philly. Take a bow. Just don't drip wing sauce on your shoes in the process, ya disgusting slob.

Comments

[Jeff Martin]

Move to New York, zealot.

But seriously, speaking as someone who's been at the event...it's terrible. Spot-on, TD.

[Mark]

From your lips (keyboard?) to the Inquirer's ears. Pathetic.

[Matt]

While I thoroughly agree, I am left wondering if you've been taking your Frank Fitzpatrick cranky pills this week.

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