Shallow | Center

Smith Fired; Exclamation Points Relieved

Stephen A. Finally Gets the Boot, Saving Countless Readers from Horrible Prose and Awful Reporting

LAST SUMMER, when Inquirer editor Bill Marimow conducted a mercy killing of Stephen A. Smith's column and busted him down to reporter -- though he was also underqualified for that gig, as well -- you knew it was only a matter of time before Smith and the paper would part company. Stephen A.'s byline had not been seen since then, though he didn't exactly go into hiding. No, in addition to analyzing the NBA for ESPN, he ended up landing the perfect job for a guy with no more knowledge than the schmo sitting at the end of the bar and the communications skills to match: talk radio. The Inky finally cashiered him the other day, as Dan Gross reported, for, of all things, "job abandonment." Apparently not showing up for work for five months is cause for termination. Who knew?

Philadelphia | What Sucks

The Local Newspaper Scene: All the Wire Service Copy That's Fit to Print

Dull headlines. Bland wire service copy. Tired, uninspiring commentary. Virtually no young voices. Sponsors'  logos splashed all over what are supposed to be news pages. Smaller news holes.

The return of local, private ownership to the Philadelphia Inquirer and Daily News was supposed to result in better newspapers. Divorced from the need to meet quarterly earnings expectations, the papers were going to refocus their efforts on the region, giving readers unparalleled insights into the places where we live and work. Instead, we've gotten the sad litany of traits listed above. The decline is breathtaking. The papers have the feel and tone of provincial, small-town rags. And I know that their newsrooms are separate, but by sharing advertising and production staffs, the Inky and DN aren't competing with each other as fully as they ought. The only area of improvement has been in the papers' Web site, and that's only because there was nowhere to go but up. There's a nice selection of multimedia content and blogs, and one can even find updated news stories posted as they're written, a terrific step up from the prior static site. I'd still like to see more news and fewer ads, though.

As for competition, there is none locally. The Bulletin is a joke; City Paper and the Philadelphia Weekly provide important alternative viewpoints and different angles, but as weeklies they lack the resources for comprehensive coverage, and they operate too often with a distracting chip on their shoulders.

If Boston can produce a worthy paper in the Globe day in and day out -- all while operating as a division of a public company, no less -- Philadelphia ought to be able to as well. Now that would be news.

"Philadelphia | What Sucks," an essay about people, places, and things in the region worthy of scorn, will appear each Wedneday in Shallow Center. S|C

Now Who's the Team to Beat?

Mets' Bold Move Casts Poor Light on Phillies' Hesitation

I'M NOT quite ready to cede the division title to the Mets. Alex Rodriguez, after all, hasn't delivered a World Series title to the Yankees yet. But New York's trade for Johan Santana is decidedly bad news for the Phillies. While the Mets addressed a need in a bold, masterful stroke, Philadelphia has spent the off-season doing what it has done for years: tinkering at the edges and complaining that the players it needs simply aren't available. The truth, though, is that the team's legacy of poor judgment -- in granting long-term, payroll-handcuffing contracts to players who weren't worth it and in stripping its farm system of trade bait in pursuit of lousy deals -- has contributed mightily to its inability to make the kind of quantum move the Mets are about to pull off. S|C

Third and Long

Signing of Feliz Still Doesn't Address the Phillies' Critical Need

YEAH, YEAH, yeah, poor Greg Dobbs and Wes Helms. The Phillies' impending signing of Pedro Feliz kicks them to the curb for 2008, and both of them think that last year's powder-puff contributions from third base can be reversed this year. I can't fault the Phils for saying, "Sorry, guys, but we don't have the time to see if that'll happen." Sports are America's ultimate meritocracy, and if you're not good enough, take a seat. My worry, though, is twofold: First, Feliz has posted some nice but hardly earth-shattering numbers over the last few years; he's hardly the quantum upgrade that makes one think the third-base issue is solved for good. He could turn out to be the next David Bell, a supposedly solid player who turned out to be less than hoped for. Second, unless Feliz can stand on the mound and pitch effectively through the seventh inning every five games, his signing doesn't offer the Phillies help where it's most needed. And nobody believes Helms is sufficiently lucrative bait to attract that kind of help in a trade. S|C

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall, Who's the Saddest of Them All?

Philadelphia's Epic Self-Loathing Extends Far Beyond Sports

Phil Sheridan and Bob Ford spent quite a few column inches in yesterday's Inquirer pondering whether we despise Boston or New York more, but it was, of all people, the usually mediocre Frank Fitzpatrick who really nailed it. Fitzpatrick wrote that the place Philadelphians hate most is Philadelphia, and he's absolutely right. His piece examined the effect this self-loathing has had on the regional sporting scene, where we ruthlessly seek to destroy our best players and shamelessly shovel abuse on all who dare believe themselves better than we. Which, since we hate ourselves so, is everybody, or so we perceive.

Philadelphia | What Rocks

The Agency We Love to Hate Should Be a Model for Other Municipal Entities

Praising the Philadelphia Parking Authority for its ruthless efficiency and maddening effectiveness is like saying you like the IRS because it does such a great job collecting taxes. Yet wouldn't it be great if all of Philadelphia's municipal agencies and bodies were as vigilant as PPA? If Philly cops caught bad guys and Philly schools taught students and Philly legislators passed beneficial laws with the alacrity that PPA doles out parking tickets, we might actually have a sanely functioning city instead of the dysfunctional mess we're too often stuck with.

Well, What Are They Supposed to Say?

Comments from Gillick, Players Are Hardly Earth-Shattering Stuff

Pat Gillick yesterday indicated that the Phillies would try to avoid arbitration with Ryan Howard by upping their offer to their first baseman. And Jimmy Rollins's teammates are fully behind his prediction of 100 wins in 2008. Both sets of comments were headlined, in separate stories, on the front page of the Inquirer's sports section, which only goes to prove that we're in the dead zone between the end of Eagles football and the start of the NCAA basketball tournaments. That a working GM would say he would try his hardest to get a deal with a popular, productive player and that players would express confidence in the ranking league MVP are treated as real news serves as a glum reminder that spring training is a month away. Get here fast, would ya? S|C

Do You See What I See?

The Fleeing New Yorkers of 'Cloverfield' Need a Better Cameraperson

THE PROBLEM with evaluating Cloverfield is that it's less a movie than a film-school project. It tells the story of a small group of young New Yorkers fleeing the rampage of a huge, malevolent monster that has descended upon the city. The entire film is shot by a hand-held camera, as what you're seeing is supposed to be footage from a recorder, recovered by the Department of Defense, that had been wielded by one of the characters in chronicling the going-away party of another protagonist that night. This first-person camera work is supposed to create a sense of intimacy with the fleeing characters, though I found it to be ironically distancing; the distraction created by the sharp cuts and movements kept me from caring much about what was happening to them. And when the monster itself is seen in all its horrifying fury, in the movie's money shot, I just wasn't all that impressed. It's not that it looked cheesy -- the visual effects were top-notch. But so much of the beast had already been revealed that the intended shock value simply wasn't there.

Will Is Legen ... Wait for It ... Dary

Smith's Deft Performance Carries the Compelling, Intense 'I Am Legend'

LIKE THE charismatic George Clooney, Will Smith has spent much of his film career coasting on his considerable charm. Also like Clooney, Smith has been supplementing his popcorn movies with less conventional roles that require a deeper commitment to his craft. So it is with I Am Legend, on the surface a conventional, kill-the-zombies crowd-pleaser that turns out to be both a complex examination of personal survival and a terrific showcase for Smith's sharpened skills as an actor.

Service Time, Schmervice Time

He's Talented, Popular, and a Model Citizen; Pay Ryan Howard, Mr. Gillick

RYAN HOWARD is a former Rookie of the Year and a former Most Valuable Player, and last year, in an off year, mind you, he still crashed 47 homers and knocked in 136. Philadelphia has completely embraced him. He smiles a lot, never gets in trouble, and plays his ass off. Yet because he has been in the league for only a few years, Howard has to go the charade of salary arbitration.

Don't get me wrong. I know that $7 million, the amount Ryan will get if he loses his case, is a hell of a lot of money. But for all of the reasons enumerated above, it makes sense for both sides to put their heads together and hammer out a long-term deal. Let's not let yet another one of our stars feel underappreciated. He deserves the bump he's seeking, and the Phillies' fans deserve having a happy Howard playing first base for the next several years. Pay the man, Pat Gillick. S|C